“You’ve been complaining about how you haven’t been kissed in awhile — well this little guys wants to live in your mouth! No, really: he can’t survive outside of your oral cavity. But hey, that’s better than the dude who wouldn’t leave your futon for a month, right? With Streptococcus mutans as your man, no matter how badly your life is falling apart, you’ll always know that nothing can get worse than your mouth because you let a microbe kick it in there and now you’re suffering from tooth decay. But having no teeth is better than having no man, so keep on smiling, sunshine!”—QUIZ: Which Single-Celled Organism Is Your Ideal Summer Fling?
Elaine Stritch, a show-biz legend who you may know as the growling voice behind Company’s “The Ladies Who Lunch” or Jack Donaghy’s mother on 30 Rock, was a comfort to us too-smart girls who love having a good time but can’t quiet the salty sarcasm that barks in our belly. She was proof that you could go through life swilling, standing legs apart, belting to the rafters. She was a roll of thunder in a pair of tights…. Everybody rise.
Stritch’s storied career gave us much to aspire to but we have to admit that we most look forward to eschewing pants. The Broadway icon was unfettered in all aspects of her life, including her wardrobe: she had a strong affinity for going pantsless, swapping out traditional bottoms for dark tights or, well, nothing at all. Whether on a red carpet, a daytime talk show, or the public streets of New York, Stritch kept her enviable legs as free as her spirit. In honor of the marvelously carefree actress, we’ve compiled a gallery of some of fashion’s most successful pant-free moments. Pour yourself a vodka stinger and drink in all this attitude.
Dear [Insert Person’s Name — if you can’t remember the person’s name, choose a catchy signifier that refers to the person’s traits, where you met them, or an universal truth like Dude Who Looks Like A Victorian Poet Who Would’ve Died From Consumption, Midtown Cowboy Bar Lady, or Human Whose Sense Of Self Is An Illusive, Transitory Falsehood]
Wow, what a [length of time you spent together, not counting the hour you spent making boxed mac-and-cheese and the twenty minutes you spent halfheartedly encouraging them to eat some with your mouth saying “this is too much for one person, please, get a spoon” and your eyes saying “GET THAT SPOON AWAY FROM MY CHEESY POT!”] We sure had [non-committal positive noun that will make them feel okay about making your bottom lip bleed]. I really liked it when [standout moment of the evening that isn’t eating mac-and-cheese; ideally something like “we watched those ‘West Wing’ episodes” or “you put your penis inside of me”].